Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
