Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
