dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
