I wish I only lived at night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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