i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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