it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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