apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
