but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
