so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
lets start a swedish sibling band together
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
