i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
