And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
