went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
