operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
