So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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