In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
