I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
