Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
