She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
