cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
