My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
