Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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