A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I smell like Dick and happiness
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