Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
