i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
