Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
