So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
