Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
