Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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