You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
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