after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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