I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
