So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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