I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
