My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Randomize
