I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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