Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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