If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
