just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
