It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
