I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
