Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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