Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
