Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
