i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize