If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
