my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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