Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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