(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
