Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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