So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
