:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
50% drunk capacity currently
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
