no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
