Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize