i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You work out of a Hotel?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He kissed a someone with a penis
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
