There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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