Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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