I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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