he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
