Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize