i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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