I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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