oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
