Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
