Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
