Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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