So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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