I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
