Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize