Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
