"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
