So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
