Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
