Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
