god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
