Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
