My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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