So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
