She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
