when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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