Do you still have your period?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
