I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
