Me. At least after what I've been through.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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