theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize