I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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