someone owes me an orgasm
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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