I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
