Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
