69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
