if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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