Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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