Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
