she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
