oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
