I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
