Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
