Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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