Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
