wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
