my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
